I work for a very small...well...I'll call it a business. We are so small that we do not have janitors but rather everyone takes a week to clean, always in pairs. This week I came in to work to find a seventy-year-old sweet soul cleaning by herself. Her very selfish (and much younger) partner had decided not to help. This is not the first time this particular person has left somebody out on their own.
It makes me angry, in the kind of way that I believe is righteous. When persons care so much for themselves and so little for others...I just don't get it really. I don't understand selfishness, but I see it all around me. People don't care enough about others. Who taught us that it is ok to think only of ourselves? When did that become the norm rather than the exception? I don't like it.
Dear selfish person, get over yourself...get off your duff...care about someone else for once. You blame all your problems on others when you really should take a look at your own actions and assess. You aren't fooling anyone but yourself.
So here's the thing about selfishness, I do not care for it. And in this case, it made me angry.
Showing posts with label Selfishness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Selfishness. Show all posts
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, February 2, 2009
About Birthdays...
As per request, here's the thing about birthdays: Birthdays are the one day a year that it actually does get to be about you. It's not selfish, it's not thoughtless, it's just allowed to be about you.
Now, this does not necessarily mean this always happens on the actual date of your birth. For instance; one year my birthday fell on a Wednesday and I had 3 classes (2 with tests) and had to go to work after. Last year I was on call on my birthday. Obviously, when this happens it's hard to celebrate, however it does mean that you can pick an alternative day to celebrate. That year when my birthday was on a Wednesday I chose that next Saturday. This is acceptable within the "celebrating yourself" rules.
We spend most of our lives feeling like we are not that important. People don't always treat you the way you ought to be treated, they aren't always nice or thoughtful, and most of the time people don't care what you would prefer. Most of the time it's proper social etiquette to compromise or take turns making decisions like: movies, who’s super bowl party are we going to, where are we eating, etc. However, on your birthday you do get to decide instead of hearing other people's suggestions.
It must be noted also however that all of this does not mean that you get to be a jerk. Here are some rules for not being a jerk:
1) If you share your birthday with someone else, be sure to celebrate them also. If you don't want to share pick a different day to celebrate instead of ruining their day.
2) When picking a different day to celebrate because of work or whatever, don't pick someone else's birthday who is in your sphere (family, friends, co-workers).
3) Just because it gets to be about you doesn't mean you get to be an ass: You still have to tip your waitress, you still have to be kind to others, you must forgive people who don't know it's your birthday (like the guy behind the counter at the gas station), don't stick your nose up to people who want to celebrate with you, etc.
Now, this does not necessarily mean this always happens on the actual date of your birth. For instance; one year my birthday fell on a Wednesday and I had 3 classes (2 with tests) and had to go to work after. Last year I was on call on my birthday. Obviously, when this happens it's hard to celebrate, however it does mean that you can pick an alternative day to celebrate. That year when my birthday was on a Wednesday I chose that next Saturday. This is acceptable within the "celebrating yourself" rules.
We spend most of our lives feeling like we are not that important. People don't always treat you the way you ought to be treated, they aren't always nice or thoughtful, and most of the time people don't care what you would prefer. Most of the time it's proper social etiquette to compromise or take turns making decisions like: movies, who’s super bowl party are we going to, where are we eating, etc. However, on your birthday you do get to decide instead of hearing other people's suggestions.
It must be noted also however that all of this does not mean that you get to be a jerk. Here are some rules for not being a jerk:
1) If you share your birthday with someone else, be sure to celebrate them also. If you don't want to share pick a different day to celebrate instead of ruining their day.
2) When picking a different day to celebrate because of work or whatever, don't pick someone else's birthday who is in your sphere (family, friends, co-workers).
3) Just because it gets to be about you doesn't mean you get to be an ass: You still have to tip your waitress, you still have to be kind to others, you must forgive people who don't know it's your birthday (like the guy behind the counter at the gas station), don't stick your nose up to people who want to celebrate with you, etc.
Birthdays are important because it's important to make people feel special. You want to feel special don't you? You want to feel loved and appreciated, right? And even if you can't get that the rest of the year, you should get it on your birthday...and you should honor other people the same way. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
If you want more info check out Wikipedia’s information about birthday's here. Note their discussion of the Golden Birthday (the day you turn the age of your birth-day, i.e. 12 on the 12th), which is very obviously cause for greater celebration.
Obviously because I feel this way I try to make sure other people feel special on their birthdays as well, I'm always willing to celebrate other people. So here's the thing about birthdays, go ahead and celebrate you. Go where you want to eat, see the movie you want to see and don't worry when people complain, they'll have their chance sometime in the next calendar year for themselves.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
About Our Selfish Nature...
So here’s the thing about human beings, we are innately selfish. We are born that way, we want what we want when we want it and we get pissed if we don’t get it. Babies cry when they don’t get what they want, kids act out, but what do adults do? I think the simplest way to put it is that they hurt people (both themselves and others).
I recognize that I am being completely vulnerable here and that’s pretty scary but hear me out. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because it’s one of the things that I like the least about myself. I used to think that I was pretty good at putting others first but I’m not so sure right now. I work hard at ignoring my selfish nature, I work very hard at pushing it down because I love other people and I want them to love me (although that in itself is selfish I suppose). But when I think about the things that I’ve done that I don’t like, the inevitable under layer is my own self-interest. I see people that I want to be like, people who seem to always be able to put others first, I want to be like them. I want to be loving and selfless, while maintaining healthy boundaries, but I don’t think that I’m very good at it.
Being married certainly has curbed parts of this selfishness; because you can’t have a good marriage unless you are willing to think of the other person’s interests on level with your own, my husband has taught me a great deal. However, I’m still growing and working on it and there are still a lot of things that I do that I don’t like. And why do I act this way? I can’t stand that I do it, yet I continue the behavior. I beat myself up (in my head) and overanalyze every action, but I have trouble changing.
So here’s the thing about selfish human nature, we’ve each got one, but I like mine the least. I know we are our own worst enemies and that is certainly true for me.
With all this said I want to apologize, an apology which I am sending out into the void, to the many people that I have hurt in my own self interest over the years. I know most of those people will never see this, but I want it to be out there:
I am sorry. I have hurt you and I am sorry. I have tried, but I will try harder. Please forgive me and please trust that I am working on it. My dear sisters and brothers in Christ, pray for me that I might live as Christ did, in love.
I recognize that I am being completely vulnerable here and that’s pretty scary but hear me out. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because it’s one of the things that I like the least about myself. I used to think that I was pretty good at putting others first but I’m not so sure right now. I work hard at ignoring my selfish nature, I work very hard at pushing it down because I love other people and I want them to love me (although that in itself is selfish I suppose). But when I think about the things that I’ve done that I don’t like, the inevitable under layer is my own self-interest. I see people that I want to be like, people who seem to always be able to put others first, I want to be like them. I want to be loving and selfless, while maintaining healthy boundaries, but I don’t think that I’m very good at it.
Being married certainly has curbed parts of this selfishness; because you can’t have a good marriage unless you are willing to think of the other person’s interests on level with your own, my husband has taught me a great deal. However, I’m still growing and working on it and there are still a lot of things that I do that I don’t like. And why do I act this way? I can’t stand that I do it, yet I continue the behavior. I beat myself up (in my head) and overanalyze every action, but I have trouble changing.
So here’s the thing about selfish human nature, we’ve each got one, but I like mine the least. I know we are our own worst enemies and that is certainly true for me.
With all this said I want to apologize, an apology which I am sending out into the void, to the many people that I have hurt in my own self interest over the years. I know most of those people will never see this, but I want it to be out there:
I am sorry. I have hurt you and I am sorry. I have tried, but I will try harder. Please forgive me and please trust that I am working on it. My dear sisters and brothers in Christ, pray for me that I might live as Christ did, in love.
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